You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
