I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you would pick up someone in the library
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
