At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Floor bacon is actually really good
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
