dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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