Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
