i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
