weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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