sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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