I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
