Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
