I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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