Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
