Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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