just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
