Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
