can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
