what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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