dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
