he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize