EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
