My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
