he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
