SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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