I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
