and next time when you feel me up, do it right
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
