I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
