Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
