Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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