someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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