just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
