Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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