I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
