we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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