god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
