I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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