I am full of burrito and curiosity
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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