Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Randomize
