Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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