I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
