dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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