woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize