Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
