he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
