Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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