Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
