Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
