last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
