he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
