The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize