i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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