On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
