The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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