I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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