Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
