seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
