I met the friendliest cop last night
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
