I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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