pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
