dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize