it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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