I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
