before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
