I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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