don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
