For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
