thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
