I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
zippers are such a cool invention
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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