I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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