so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
