Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
