I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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