you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
