I never want to see another naked old woman again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
