Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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