I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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