what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
