remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
