I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
