Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
