I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
