I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize