i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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