pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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