The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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