the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
