Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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