She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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