I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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