I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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