I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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