my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't think brook has ever known best
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize