if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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