I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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