did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
