Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
