With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
