peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
