You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
