Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
