Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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