I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
