you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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