I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
