I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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