I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
