we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
