Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
