I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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