she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
