I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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