I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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