yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
